Bin Laden's Pre-Election Video - A Detailed Analysis

Due to the suspicious, ‘right on cue’ timing of the latest Bin Laden video, I had some doubt about its authenticity. As I have a fair amount of experience in the field of video analysis I decided to ascertain, in a scientific manner, whether the speaker in the video was in fact Bin Laden, or, as I suspected, an actor. The results of my analysis are as follows:

Preliminary viewing of the video shows a man of uncertain height and weight, apparently of middle eastern origin, who bears a strong resemblance to Bin Laden, based on previous videos and photographs that are judged to be authentic. The speaker’s voice also sounds similar to that of previous Bin Laden recordings. At this stage, nothing conclusive relating to the speaker’s identity is asserted.

The next stage of analysis involved a number of facial recognition techniques. The features of Bin Laden and their relative proportions were measured and compared to the speaker in the latest video. The result of this analysis was that, although the latest Bin Laden appears to be slightly more corpulent, the facial characteristics indicate a positive match. At this stage the conclusion is that the speaker in this video is either Osama Bin Laden or an actor with almost identical facial features.

The next stage of analysis was to run audio segments of the latest video through speech recognition software and compare them to previous Bin Laden speeches. It was found that the probability of the speakers being the same was approximately 94%. From the evidence so far, at this stage it is concluded with reasonable certainty that the speaker is Osama Bin Laden.

During the analysis however, certain anomalies became apparent. The fact that Bin Laden had put on weight seemed strange for a man on the run for years. Also of interest was the fact that Bin Laden did not seem to have aged at all in this time. Curiously, he also looked rather pale and puffy around the face. A further anomaly, found during the audio stage, was that there was absolutely no sound of breaths being taken between phrases, even at high volumes. As a former sound engineer I know that this is absolutely impossible. On a closer visual inspection of the video I could find absolutely no indication that Osama was breathing at all. No chest movements indicating lung action could be seen. It then occurred to me that the paleness of Bin Laden could indicate that no blood was being pumped to his head and hands and that his puffy features resembled those of bodies in an advanced stage of rigor-mortis, perhaps even nearing the decomposition stage. An additional possibility is that he had been frozen. This and the subsequent defrosting would further account for the paleness and puffiness displayed and cannot be discounted as a possibility. It also occurred to me that if the Bin Laden we see had been frozen for some time it would explain why he showed few signs of having aged. The penny had dropped – the video was an obvious fake!

Conclusions so far:

The speaker we see in the video is Bin Laden.

The speaker, whom we have identified as Bin Laden, is dead.

The lack of any signs of aging indicates he has been dead for a considerable length of time, most likely kept preserved in deep freeze.


The next stage of analysis involved simulating the effects of the cryogenic process on the dead Bin Laden. For obvious reasons I did not have access to the real Bin Laden. Therefore a substitute had to be found.

After careful consideration of the requirements a pack of butcher’s choice sausages were purchased from the supermarket Tesco. Due to their high meat content these seemed like a suitable substitute for the real Osama. A sausage was selected based upon the criteria of closest resemblance to Bin Laden’s body shape. Next, a likeness of Bin Laden’s face was painted onto the sausage. Then the sausage was photographed and the girth of the sausage measured. The sausage was then put into deep freeze for fourteen days.

After the two week freezing period the sausage was defrosted and re-measured. A slight increase in girth was found. The sausage was again photographed.

A comparison of the photographs taken before and after shows that the effects of freezing and subsequent defrosting almost perfectly account for the change in Osama’s appearance.

With evidence as compelling as this we can conclude that Bin Laden was almost certainly frozen for some time then defrosted for the recording of the video.

Next I shall undertake a reverse speech analysis. I’m quite sure something incriminating can be found there.


Author - Jurgen Krankheim

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